to look back on later

This post has been sitting in my draft page for a while now. Every time I make an attempt to publish it, something holds me back. Sometimes it's a word I used that somehow doesn't fit in the context anymore, other times I have changed my mind and it all seems to no longer make sense. Or maybe it's the fear of over exposing myself during this emotional time. Nevertheless, I made a promise when I started this journey, and I need to stick with it. Promised I would be true to other women and that I would talk openly and honestly about what it actually means to carry a baby. Hope I somehow accomplish this goal. Even if it means to write scary, icky and not so perfect feelings that so often come and go. 

Deep breath in... here we go. 

Pregnancy is certainly a beautiful thing and an absolute privilege. I know I am so incredibly lucky to have this experience - especially when many are trying so hard to and can't. But man oh man, the physical discomforts a mother deals with during this time are pretty unbelievable to me, and I am astounded that women choose to do this multiple times, year after year. It somehow encourages me that the reward must be so sweet in order for all to be worth in the end!

It’s almost laughable at this point – and trust me, the husband laughs at me all the time. I sleep with a mountain of pillows behind me, around me and underneath me. Because everything is sore and my organs are definitely not in the place they should be. I know it’s only going to get worst and sleep will eventually become elusive. Maybe the universe is training my lazy, sleep loving self to get used to not having it for a while… Never mind the sweet little peanut who is trying to get as comfortable as possible while poking every inch of my insides. The kicks are no longer just cute, singular experiences that make me smile – they are long stretches of baby rolling and kneading and sharp intakes of breath when I feel a little foot in my rib. Pretty sure all those ultrasounds were wrong, and I’m actually giving birth to an octopus for all the places I feel arms and legs at once. How is that even possible? And does it make me a bad mother for wishing it to stop already? Pregnancy can be tough. Sometimes, I wake up with the illusion that I'm no longer carrying all that extra weight in my belly and it feels so good. Until I try to stand up and all my daily struggles come back - things like putting socks on, picking up that pen that fell on the floor, and even sitting through an 8 hour work day become your worst enemies and sometimes you just say "to hell with all of this. I'm done with being pregnant. Someone please get this baby outta me!" 

I have a feeling that the look on women’s faces after giving birth is both the joy of finally holding your baby in your arms and the relief of not having to carry them in our bellies any longer. I'm sure that the simplest things will feel like the world’s greatest luxuries once this little one is on the outside and I can finally have my body back. I look forward to both, and will never under-appreciate my body ever again. It is powerful, it is mine, and I will be thankful every day that is healthy enough to give me life.     

To be honest, I'm at that point where there is a ton of complaining and it might seem like I'm not appreciating growing this tiny little person that I will surely love so very much. Trust me, I'm not! I have loved every minute of this journey and wish every single women the opportunity to go through it at least once. However, I do feel like it should be okay to complain, to wish for your body back and to cut yourself some slack - and your partner as well! Love was what created this baby in the first place and love should be where it all collides - be it in the beginning, middle or the end. The reason Chris and I waited five years to have a baby of our own, was because we knew how important this would be for us. I wanted this baby oh so bad, but wanted it to be right as well. Wanted to build a foundation where nothing else matters but love, and that no matter what happened we would support each other until the end. 

Pregnancy takes a toll on you and I can’t even imagine what it’s like to raise a child. I’m sure it comes with compromises and challenges to both you and your spouse. There is no better feeling than having that person next to you, pushing you forward when you think you can’t go any further, laughing at how ridiculous you look while trying to get out of bed in the morning, and teasing you because somehow the whole tub of ice cream disappeared over night and you won’t admit it was all your doing. And when you see the look in his eyes when the baby – your baby – moves, it’s unlike any other feeling in the world.

I know, I went through a lot of frustration before while all the women around me were having cute little babies and growing their families, but trust me when I say it is all worth the wait. Pause for the right time for you and your partner. Because growing a child is no joke and bringing it into this world with someone you love beyond anything else, is something worth fighting for. Even when you feel like giving up, or when every single part of your body is screaming for help. Love concurs all. And, in this romantic gals opinion, it also cures all!    

Hope you come back soon,

M   

is it too late to come back?

Is it too late to come back?

At this point I am sure I have violated every single rule of blogging and probably all of my few hundred readers (if I even had that many to begin with) have vanished into internet space. But I want to come back. I want to write again. My mind and soul needs it.    

Life does get in the way sometimes doesn’t it? Even though it probably isn’t exactly life’s fault. What does it have to do with all this anyway? Life is what we make of it and this time I have a feeling I made it get in the way. 

Therefore, I’m here today asking permission to return. Please don’t shut the door on me, or ask me to leave so abruptly. Let me sit down, make you a cup of tea and catch up. I’m sure that we will be just like old pals that, no matter the distance we’ve had between us, it will be like I’ve never left.

Maybe, you need some time to think it through. I’ll come again soon.

Brownie promise!  

more than just a book review.

July, 5th, 2015.

I have been reading this book. I don't want to admit that it is a pregnancy book, because those kind have bad reviews and scare the living hell out of you. So let's just call it Beth Ann Fennelly's book, Great with Child. I do not dare classify it as a the P word, for one reason and one reason only; it talks more about feelings and relationships than it actually does about the physical act of creating a child. Beth Ann is a poet in practice and in heart and every single word she writes is like a symphony of emotions - the good ones and the not so good ones as well.

Yesterday, while laying in bed recuperating from the long holiday weekend, I came upon this quote: " I think our inability to recall and relieve the memory of pain has to do with the fact that during hard labor, you go to a place beyond language." Yes, we all fear child labor, and dare I say it I am one of the scared ones. However, If I have learnt one thing about this whole process is that there are no words to fully describe it.

I've always hated the fact that other women wouldn't share what it was like to carry a child. Now that I have been the one that has been dealt that hand, I understand that I misplace the word couldn't with a wouldn't. I am now in that place of discomfort. I can't seem to tell my story; and here I thought that this was my best trait - storytelling! Give me numbers, and I can't add much; however give me a piece of paper, a pen and words, I will tell you all.

Sure, I can meticulously describe the physical symptoms like nausea, low blood pressure, fatigue. But  this is not exactly what it was before; it didn't feel the same before I was pregnant. Is it because just like child birth there is something greater that just the physical pain? Or maybe there is already an emotional attachment greater than I can possible be aware of? Perhaps it is all the above colliding into something so big that what your body is enduring no longer seems like a burden to carry. On the contrary, you start carrying it with pride!

At this point, all I can say. Today. IS that I have never trusted my body as much as I do now. Therefore, I am letting go. Allowing it to do what it does best. I have a tiny little feeling that Beth Ann was right and when all is said and done, I will be reborn and "recollect the pain as bellonging to the old life, the way the butterfly unfolding her wet wings recollects the cocoon."



Like I have said before, I no longer hold my words as a statement of truth. My emotions maybe. So forgive me if all this seems out of the ordinary. These are true feelings that one night I scribbled down  in my journal. I would love to hear from you - that is if you have experienced such things. If not, maybe just a hello?!

Hope you come back soon,

M  

oh, baby!

This might be the most surreal blog post I have ever written. Even though I have been practicing it in my mind for the past two months, I'm at a complete loss for words. It's finally time to share the BIG news: we're expecting!! 

After 4 and a half years of marriage and a whooping 8 years together, we are finally joining other couples in parenthood. I have to admit it wasn't planned. It wasn't supposed to happen this quick! But we are all adults here and know how babies come into the picture.... Ha Ha! Nevertheless, we couldn't be happier. I have been through a roller coaster of emotions these past two months. After crazy hormones, intense morning sickness and a midsection that appears more like beer bloat than baby, I have realized I really don't know a lot about anything anymore. Except for one little detail... I am having a baby with the love of my life! I can't help but feel so incredibly lucky. Not only do I get to spend the rest of my life with him, but now I get to carry his child. There is no one on this earth that I would rather go through this with, and he has been a trooper so far.  

These days, I have plenty of moments of doubt, followed by excitement and a ton of crying. Like A TON. However, I do know that I'm surrounded by the best support system a gal could ever ask for. The hope and joy our family and friends have given us makes me feel so blessed. I am sure there will be plenty of emotional freak outs the next 8 months, but I also know that I will always have someone there to hold my hand and help me navigate this new path.    

I can't wait to share our journey through pregnancy and parenthood in the big city, alongside challenges like small apartment living, full time careers and our inexperienced rolls as parents! For now we are making sure this little baby gets all the nutrition it needs despite my aversion for all things food related that isn't deep fried and that Lady the dog gets used to not being the only babe around. Wish us luck!

Hope you come back soon,

M

today i start journaling - part 1

Disclosure: These are all blurry thoughts written on a piece of paper throughout my day. Usually I write all sorts of random things, because it stimulates my writing at work. This day was when I decided I would give these random words a shot. It only seemed fitting that I would share them here on the blog. Hope I don't loose you along by blabbering way...



I woke up with a desire to write. Not type, text or Instagram. But that old familiar writing. As many call it: journaling.

Los Angeles woke up the same, though. As every morning it does. A chill in the hazy air, traffic building up on Ventura Boulevard, and dog owners taking their furry friends out for the first walk of the day. As my alarm played the all too familiar "Darling it ain't easy" wake up song, I turned around to face my world: Chris pressing snooze for the second time and Lady the dog climbing on top of his head as she does every morning. It's a ritual. Nothing out of the ordinary except for one thing. My gratitude for being able to be here. Awake. Experiencing another day. Today I didn't want to get out of bed. Not because sleep was keeping me from jump starting my day. On the contrary, everything I wanted in my day was was right here. At my fingertips. With sleepy faces, good mornings and the subconscious feeling of belonging. I could stay in that moment forever, but the kettle was calling, as was my early meeting.

As I gathered the courage to slip out of the warm covers, the carpet welcomed my disgruntled feet and gave me that extra strength to face the day. Funny how things are. I complain about the carpet we have in our apartment every single day, however come morning it never fails to comfort me as I take my first step into the outside world. Dealing with L.A traffic, server errors and deadlines can be overwhelming. I'll take any kind helping hand. Even if it is the old stinky carpet.

By seven forty five I opened the front door to my office and turned my laptop on for it's first breath of fresh air. Went through my email to find out I was no longer require to attend the morning meeting. Thank God for my stinky carpet, sleepy faces and dogs ignoring human boundaries. After that I went on with my day.

Eleven twenty is usually when the countdown begins. Forty minutes until lunch. Two hours for a well deserved coffee break, and four until home. However, today felt somewhat different. Even though office life continued as it normally does, my head was somewhere else. I'm sure I am not the first person to escape reality and immerse myself in another world. But today felt unconventional. Yet totally familiar, and this compelled me to write down my thoughts on a torn piece of paper. I was in tune with myself as I haven't been for quite some time. With that, the words started coming to me easily, helping me recreate what I had just experienced on the outside, translating the reaction on the inside. Being comfortable in your own skin is never an easy thing. You think that after years of living in the same body you would be more in touch with your inner self. But it doesn't really happen that way. At least not for me.

A pause for coffee break and small talk by the Keurig machine. It was two thirty after all. There is something magical about coffee encounters in my opinion. People always seem to be more polite during afternoon coffee breaks. I have this thing with coffee. I can never just drink a cup of coffee. It has to be accompanied by some other activity. Usually it's some kind of snack, but today it was written words. Usually it's food though. I'm not sure how it all started, even so if I had to pin point a reason I would go back to my childhood. Coffee drinking in Brazil is a very serious matter. It's not taken lightly and for the most part involves a gathering of some sort. And when people come together they generally eat, drink, and talk. Or all the above. In my family there is always a lot of talking. However, this time around,  I skipped the office chat and returned to my desk. Then eventually to the blank pages of my notebook. Sometimes you have to give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Maybe all the random words in my head, once written down, will actually make sense. No guarantees though.

Four pm comes faster than predicted. Every day its feels the same. It's like the clock ticks slower before three, and once it finally creeps up to three thirty five, it runs around like Louis Carroll's crazy white rabbit yelling: "Oh my ears and whiskers! I am late" gotta go, gotta go! I close my email and my laptop. Gather my notes, neatly organizing them for the following day. Say my "good night" and "see you tomorrow" and off I go. Gotta go, gotta go, to face L.A traffic at it's worst. But at least today, I'm at my best.

Hope you come back soon,

M

a big life and other tales from the west

I've redefined what I believe my big life could be.

It's hard to remember the exact order of events, now that I come to think about it. Can't say when it all started changing, or the reason why it did at all. However, it's done and it will be quite hard to look back. I think it started this year. Might I dare say, it has to do with me turning 30. 

Let me slow the narrative down a bit and put things into perspective. 

Like many other women, I've had the fantasy of the perfectly balanced life. Go to college, get a well earned degree, move to the city and get a fancy office job. Climb the corporate ladder and have a six figure salary. Sure, find love along the way, have beautiful babies, a gorgeous house, two dogs, a boat and take vacation somewhere exotic every year.  

Sounds like a fairy tale right? But that was what I believed would make me happy. Who I thought my husband wanted by his side, and what would make my parents the proudest. In the meantime, my big life started to hurt. To not make sense. Women are socialized to swallow pain with a smile. We are taught to put ourselves last and others first, to make dinner and then serve ourselves the worst cut. Not that my husband, parents or friends wished that for me, but for some inexplicable reason society got to me. It rubbed off even when I dared not touch it and whispered in my ears at night when I though I wasn't listening.  

The other day, I was talking to my co-workers about relationships. Family, friends and significant others. Then one said, "I am worried about my friend." and the reason was she was in a relationship with a guy that can't afford to support himself, and even though she loves him, he can't give her what she so dearly desires. A family, a house, a comfortable life. For some reason this bothered me. Not to say that my co-worker is in the wrong, or that her friend should feel guilty for loving someone with no monetary means. It's the misconception that men are supposed to take care of women and that career and money makes you a more desirable person, that rubs me the wrong way. 

A big life has love and compassion. It's based on human relationships that see past bank accounts and social status. Whether you're on top or on the bottom. It's way more important than spending uncountable hours in the office trying to get somewhere in your career. It took me a while to realize this. I've always thought what I did would define me. That I would look better in the eyes of others. That being smart and well educated would make me a more desirable fit. 

Why is it that we care so much about what others think? I get it, as humans we crave for acceptance, community. Even if that means swallowing your true thoughts, pain and frustration. But I have redefined what I believe my big life could be. Should be. No matter how much I achieve, how many stamps are on my passport and how much money is in my back account, it's not enough. It's not what fills me up nor what pushes me forward. 

Some people may be happy with all the above and may think I am a fool to think otherwise. I'm not here to say they are wrong. I'm not here to say what is right for everyone. What I do reckon is that in the end, for me, it will be all about the connection and very little to do with achieving. It will be about whether I looked up and touched the sky. Whether I felt the lush feeling of the summer sun on my skin. And if I was fully there to hold the hand of the person beside me.  

This is where I am. Where I choose to proceed. No looking back. Just a warm feeling of letting go. 

Hope you come back soon,

M

the power of reading

Living in Los Angeles can be challenging. Like most cities, it is hard to find your ideal neighborhood and even harder to afford living there when you do. It's hard to navigate at first and adapt to the ever changing trends.  Plus the average commute can sometimes be overbearing. However, with challenges comes opportunities, and that is the reason Chris and I moved here. As a matter of fact, the reason why we have always lived in big cities.

My commute to work isn't as bad as it could be, but no one likes sitting in traffic even if it is for only 30 minutes. After memorizing all songs that the radio had to offer, I came to the conclusion that I needed more. A lot more! That is when I got totally hooked on podcasts. Seriously, they are great!
I am currently listening to. Strangers and Reading Lives and today I wanted to talk about Reading Lives. Not because it's my favorite of the two. They are actually completely different and I enjoy them in different ways. But, because I came across this quote the other day, and it made me think about the podcast, and consequently my relationship with books.

Reading Lives is an interview podcast with interesting people about how books and stories has changed them personally and professionally. How it made their life choices different, and how it has molded them into who they are. After listening to a few interviews I started thinking of my own story, and saw myself asking the same questions. Have I always been as interested in reading as I am now? When was it that I figured that out? What made me like literature so much?

The first vivid memory I have of reading goes back to the age of 6. This was when my family moved to England for my dad's PHD and I was first exposed to the English language (I'm originally from Brazil if you haven't been following for long.) When I look back, curiosity was what drove my interest in books. The challenge of learning a new language with different set of structural rules composing clauses, phrases and storytelling! Ah, storytelling. That was what made me stay longer. After the curiosity died down and English was no longer a foreign language, I started noticing I was addicted to good storytelling.

After long years of reading, writing and immersing myself in books, I decided that the only thing that I was inclined to ever love was literature. So, off I went to college to pursue it as a degree. College went as it usually should for any young adult. There was euphoria at first, stressful "will never be able to memorize all these Greek goddess" moments, and then there was change. Literature no longer made sense to me. Not as a profession at least. But the books; they remained. And they will always remain. They helped me shape the person I am, how I see the world, and how I write. Thanks to all the authors I read throughout my life, I can make a living writing - even if it is online marketing. I create content, thanks to the stories that I read. I crave that perfectly worded paragraph, and the feeling of getting blown away by good, subtle writing.

Sure, sometimes I regret changing major in school and how I crave dissecting stories alongside cultural and historical facts. However, that will always be a part of me. It will always be present in the way I read and write. It made me a better reader and I will forever be grateful for all the books that I have held in my hands, and all the stories that remain in my heart.

Now, on to you! Do you love reading? What's your first memory of holding a book? How did it effect your life - if it ever did?

xoxo,

m

new year. new strategy.

I used to be one of those who would write goals and lists and dreams and things back in my teens and early twenties, however I've been trying to keep things simple this time around. After years of list making, I started realizing that I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to accomplish these premature goals. It also kept me from accomplishing random things that came my way. If it wasn't on my list, it wasn't meant to be tackled. For the longest time I felt like writing them down was blinding me from what life would spring my way - randomly and wonderfully. The funny part is that the best accomplishments have been the not at all expected, thrown at my face, kind of things. 

 

With that said, I abdicated from my list making, goal setting routine. My new strategy - if you can even call it that - is simple. All I do is try to listen to my heart and my guts. I try to work hard, and be present in life. I laugh until it hurts and cry until it feels better - without feeling guilty of doing so. If something doesn't feel right, I move on. And if it does feel wonderful, I embrace it with all I have. I try to accept things that come my way with grace and gumption, and I do my best to love people with all my heart - even though sometimes I fail.

 

Life to me is an open book. It may have pages with crooked lines and blurry spots. Hard words to pronounce and new vocabulary. However, I am trying to take it in little by little and maybe then the once ugly, hard to write pages will end up being this wonderful chapter in my book of life!

 

Cheers to 2015 friends!

 

xoxo,

       m.        

  

 

 

books i love: the goldfinch

Every time I finish reading the last page of a good book, I look around, and realize that everyone is just carrying on with their lives and that what I just read didm;t really affect anyone around me. It's as though I didn't just experience the sequence of emotions and immediately I feel the trauma of letting go of the characters. Because I know that as soon as I take my hands of the paperback, they will cease to exist. 

It is pretty traumatizing. You may even say it is weird. But I go through it every single time, and it never seems to get any better. Anyways, I have recently just finished reading Donna Tartt's, The Goldfinch and may I say WOW! Never expected it to turn out to be an outstanding book. Never thought it would bring me to tears and give me goosebumps all through the last chapter. Needless to say, I am feeling nostalgic about letting go of Theo, Boris, and Hobie. So, to make matters easier, I decided to re-read my favorite part of the book and write it down for you to read :) 

"Whatever teaches us to talk to ourselves is important: whatever teaches us to sing ourselves out of despair. But the painting has also taught me that we can speak to each other across time. And I feel I have something very serious and urgent to say to you, my non-existing reader, and I feel I should say it as urgently as if I were standing in the room with you. That life - whatever it is - is short. That fate is cruel but maybe not random. That Nature (meaning Death) always wins but that doesn't mean we have to bow and grovel to it. That maybe even if we're not always so glad to be here, it's our task to immerse ourselves anyway: wade straight through it, right through the cesspool, while keeping eyes and hearts opened. And in the midst of our dying, as we rise from the organic and sink back ignominiously into the organic, it is a glory and privilege to love what Death doesn't touch." 

Have you read The Goldfinch yet? What was your take on it?

xoxo,

m

what inspires me - clementine daily

All images via clementinedaily.com

If I had to pick one online publication that speaks to me and that inspires me on a daily basis it would have to be Clementine daily! I don't even remember how I ever came across such wonderful website, but all I can say is that I am glad I did. The gals at Clementine sure get me and they talk about everything I would love to talk her on my little blog and inspire me to do so. They incorporate all the lovely things in life - and I'm not just talking about pretty dresses and statement necklaces. Little things that are ever so important for us to truly live a full life with the people we love and with ourselves. Without further ado here is their ever so charming manifesto: 

"Clementine believes in the simplest of pleasures – the power of worn denim, her sister’s famous chocolate-chip cookie recipe and a fresh bouquet of hand-picked lilacs. She’s been known to burn the chicken when hosting dinner. Her library card is wrinkled and frayed. She paints outside the lines (and toenails). She never underestimates the power of mismatched throw pillows. She values wisdom over smarts and authenticity over perfection. Her thank you notes are handwritten (and OK, quite late). She’s an expert napper. She hates the phone, but loves the conversation. She always packs a spare, usually in the wrong handbag. She’s afraid of spiders, but not of hard work. She loves a good thunderstorm. She sings off-key (and oft). She’ll choose strawberry ice cream every time. She loves style,  not fashion. Her best ideas come to her in the shower. She pet-sits for neighbors. Mascara makes her sneeze. She believes that table crumbs are dinner’s confetti. She’s still on the hunt for her signature scent. She’s ever-growing, ever-changing, ever-learning. She’s a barista, a chauffeur, a chef, a teacher, a student, a therapist, a personal shopper, a cheerleader, an interior designer and a housekeeper. She’s better than good enough. She’s Clementine."

If I were you, I would run over to their site and sign up for their newsletter. Also, they sure do brighten my Instagram feed! 

And ohhh, this video... 

p.s: this blog post was not sponsored by clementine daily. these are my opinion only! 

xoxo,

m

friday thoughts - why float when you can swim

Arthur Ashe 

Hello sweet friends! How has life been treating you? 

Lately I've been having a reoccurring feeling of guilt. Guilt that even though life has given me a great job and good opportunities in a new city, I can't help but constantly remind myself of the downside to it all. The one thing that bothers me the most is this blog... I set my standards high - I have to publish 3 posts a week like I used to. However, life has changed and my job has become more demanding. Chris and I have a pup to take care of, and we are spending so much more time with each other. All these things did not happen back in DC, and I did have a ton of spare time to create content and write. Nonetheless, these are not awful things, on the contrary they are amazing! I am extremely happy that all this is happening and it's about time I said it out loud. I am perfectly aware that there are people out there with a lot more on their plate. Also, I know that I am probably not managing my time well, and that everyone gets the same 24 hours and it ultimately boils down to what you do with them and how you prioritize. 

With that said, I am starting to figure out what really matters to me, and what I can let go of. Part of the problem here is that with life being so fast paced, it's incredibly easy to get pushed around and allow yourself to float through your own life. Sometimes I see myself complaining it is Monday and that the weekend went by so incredibly fast and because of that, I give up on that week and do absolutely nothing but work until the week is over. And just like that 5 days of my life have gone by without any sliver of joy or fulfillment. I know what it is that makes me tick and I NEED to make room for them. Beyond our day-to-day task that are our primary responsibilities (like job, marriage, bills, etc) there are other things that we forget are as important to us as the latter. The stuff that makes us smile, giggle and fill our heart - whatever that may be for you - should not be labeled as "extras". We should not give up these things because they are the ones that keep us moving forward and makes life worth living! It may be cooking, reading, napping. Whatever makes you tick. For me right now, it's reading and letting myself become apart of the characters world, immersing in whatever they are feeling and taking it as if it were my own life. It's being lazy in bed on the weekends while Chris and the pup are fast asleep sharing the same pillow. It's turning Spotify up loud while the cheesiest country songs are playing and pretending I live somewhere down south and actually have dirt roads to drive on.       

I do not want to float through life. I will not float! For that I wish to seek a slower pace - or at least the slowest one can find living in LA. Stop asking myself too much and start where I am. Use what I have. Do what I can.

Have a great weekend! 

xoxo,

m

p.s: don't forget to share your thoughts in the comments. that too brings a smile to my face :)

love - friday thoughts

Image via Flickr

I bet that sometimes you get tired of hearing what I have to say. I know I do! Today, I am switching it up a little. I am sharing a love poem that I stumbled upon while researching and it has become one of my favorites. I can go on for two paragraphs explaining how I came across it, but I won't. I will let the lovely Ms. Elizabeth talk a little bit about this amazing thing called love... Have a great weekend! xoxo, m   

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death. 

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

be wild - friday thoughts

Wild Art Print by Sam Larson

One thing I love the most about this little online space of mine is the fact that I am able to talk about things that usually I would think twice about. Not that it is extremely personal, but mostly because sometimes its hard to make time for "silly" thoughts on life. This is why Fridays are my favorite days here on the blog. It is when I can open my heart and spill out what's been lingering around in my head. Sometimes it seams kind of strange that I do such thing in a very open and public space for anyone to read, however there is something about doing it this way that gives me a sense of courage. It's like standing on a stage with a microphone and shouting out to everyone that's out there what it is you are going through. But on the flip side, you do not know who is actually listening. Maybe no one really is or if they are maybe they don't care. 

This to me is pretty wild! Don't you think? Nevertheless, life is wild it is own way so it only seems fitting. As the years pass by, I realize how much of what goes on in our daily existence is completely out of our control, however it makes sense in some way or the other. I read a quote the other day from Joseph Campbell that said: "We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." I can truly relate to this since I am a meticulous planner and a perfectionist when it comes to life. Everything is thought out by this crazy head, and sometimes it drives me insane! Why is it that we set up these incredibly out of reach goals for ourselves, instead of just trying hard and being happy with what it is we accomplished? Yes, I agree that we should be ambitious, but what if it comes in between being WILD with your actions and happy with what you have? I want to be wild. I want to not over think every single move and mourn over it not turning out how I envisioned it. 

So this is my chosen word for the rest of the year. Wild. I think it is appropriate, don't you? Maybe it does have a pejorative take on it, but I see it with different eyes. I see it as being courageous, and walking off the line. I see it as acting as a person of passion and believes, instead of acting according to what others expect of you. Being true to yourself and understanding that disappointment, is only there if you (or others) do not understand the person you really are. Risk taking with a dash of responsibility! I'll take that any day! :) 

Happy Friday to whomever is out there listening to me blab on this stage of mine - sorry if the microphone is too loud! 

xoxo,

m   

chaos - friday thoughts

Hello hello! Friday is finally upon us and I wanted to share a little bit of what's been inspiring me this week. It has been crazy busy at work and I have yet to return to my yoga routine, so needless to say I am in quite a chaotic situation. Not bad chaotic... just messy and unorganized. This is the reason why this artist caught my attention this past week. This watercolor has been in my INSPIRATION folder on my computer for a while and it got lost in the midst of everything else... as did the artists name! I am so bummed out, if you know who it is please point me in the right direction! Anyway, this painting kind of represents what my life looks like right now... There is a lot going on and there might be things that are not so obvious to the wandering eye. However, even though there lacks an organized sense of things, it is so beautiful, colorful and inviting. I feel that life has the same feel to it, don't you think? 

Hope you have a wonderful and inspiring weekend, and until next time!

xoxo,

m

welcoming a new pup

Image via Water In My Print Esty shop

Happy Friday sweet friends! As I wrote on my previous post: WE ADOPTED A DOG! I can't even believe it. It still seems surreal that now this tiny furry little thing depends on me to eat, drink water and go for walks. I know this is far from actually being a mom and having a baby, however Chris and I feel like we just did! :) 

Anyway, her name is Lady. Full name Lady Georgia Hodges. I know, a very unusual name for a fluffy dog, but let's just say that when we decided on it we (might) have been sipping on champagne... I have been trying to take a picture of her in my Warby Parkers just to share it here on the blog, however she didn't seem very fond of the idea and didn't cooperate. So, I went to etsy to find the perfect picture and found this precious one. Lady is not brown and does not wear bow-ties, but I just could't resist with this dog's cuteness! 

She is a 8 month old Pappilon mix. Her favorite activities consist of carrying our shoes around the apartment, taking long naps on the couch, and hanging out on our lap! We are super happy to welcome this sweet little lady to our home. Common' isn't she the cutest?? For more adorable puppy pictures, visit me on Instagram. 

Hope you have a wonderful weekend and until next time! 

xoxo,

m

life lately - friday thoughts

Photo via Oliver Jeffers

You guys, time has been passing by so incredibly fast. Between work, yoga, car washing and all my daily routine, I feel like blogging has not been a priority in my life. I'm not talking about writing about other people's work and achievements here... but actually spilling the beans and opening my heart out. Yeah, that kind of blogging can be kind of overrated, but it was the reason why I started in the first place. With that said here is what was been going on in my life lately...

We are all in what seems like a never ending struggle to fit more and more in our daily routines and sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on something. I feel like while I hustle, life is just flying by and I’m not even paying attention to it. I am a full believer that “Life is a journey and not a destination”, even though sometimes I seem to ignore the fact. Even though I know it’s not the best approach, it happens more than I would like to admit… 

Lately I've had an itch though. There is something deep down inside me that is yelling "STOP"!!! ha! Okay, maybe I am hearing things, but one thing is for sure, I am actually taking time to appreciate my journey through life. Slowing down. Getting away from the hustle and bustle of the city and watching the stars in silence. It is definitely not like me. Nothing bothers a city girl more than silence and noting to do! Trust me, there was never a day in my life that I didn't have plans and the whole idea of moving to the country side sounded like death to me. What do people even do in the country, I would ask myself. However, I am getting it. Little by little, I am understanding why it is so important to stop, look around and actually have time in silence. Time to not worry about how you have yet to see the musical that everyone is talking about. Or how you haven't gone to the bar that has the best ($14) cocktail! I do not mean to offend anyone here. city or country people. This is just my confusing thoughts and feelings about my life, my choices and, most importantly how it is okay to change. How family and people are far more important than things. That life is yours to cherish and embrace however you like it to. No matter what others around you see fit. 

Even if you are not where you want you be, it's okay. Actually it is more than okay, it is splendid! I will keep traveling down these weird winding road, and even with the speed bumps and pot holes I already see coming my way.... it will be a delightful ride. So why won't you join me? Good companions are always welcome!   

xoxo,

m

blogshop - los angeles

Hello and welcome back!  This weekend I had the pleasure of experiencing Blogshop.  As many of you bloggers out there know, Blogshop is an extremely talked about workshop hosted by Bri Emery (from designlovefest) and Angela Kohler.  They teach photoshop for bloggers in a very fun and interactive way.  All workshops are hosted in a well decorated studio, with cute goodie bags and yummy food.  

Being new to LA, I have been an avid researcher on all things related to the city.  How else am I going to find out where the cool spots are, where to go bowling, or eat cheese fondue? :) On one of my many online googling occasions I came across this studio/co-working loft called The Unique Space and thought it was a very intriguing idea.  I had no idea at the time that this was the exact location of designlovefest's studio and where Blogshop took place (coincidence, hum?) Anyway, needless to say I was extremely excited not only to be a part of the workshop, but also to be able to explore the inside of the loft.  

After two days of non-stop photoshop training and mingling with talented and creative ladies, my brain was definitely fried!  It’s funny how I react when I am around a lot of creative people… my energy level rises and all I want to do is ask questions and listen to every single word and idea that comes from that... All weekend, felt like a little sponge just sitting there soaking up all that was happening around me. Hoping I would leave with all the knowledge that was being shared and discussed.  

While on lunch break and "stretch-your-leg" kinda breaks, I managed to snap a few pictures of some of the remarkable details inside The Unique Space...

Have you ever experienced Blogshop? If so, how was it? Did you leave with your heart full and mind overflowing with knowledge and inspiration? Cuz this lady sure did :) 

xoxo,

m

{collections} snail mail exchange

One thing that has always been super exciting for me is getting snail mail. The fact that it is slow and unexpected gives it a certain magic to it, don't you think? I used to write my friends all the time back when I was a kid and it was such a wonderful thrill when after using so many pieces of paper, I was able to get the perfect looking letter together. And let's not forget all the stickers... Remember the furry ones?? They were my all time favorites.

Ever since emails and social media came along people started drifting away from handwritten letters. Even though a lot of people still send birthday and christmas cards, the concept of writing just to say hello and send some love is disappearing. That said, the moment I found out that Ashley from One Fine Day was organizing a snail mail exchange, I just knew that I NEEDED to sign up for it! The way it works is that she puts your name and information into a roster and each month you get a new friend to write to. There are no rules, and no need to spend any money. It can be a simple envelope filled with confetti or just a cute little card.

Last week I wrote my first letter. Eeekk! Let me just say it was kind of challenging... In a way, I felt like I couldn't spell anymore (that is what autocorrect does to us peeps), and my thoughts were coming way too fast to make my handwriting look socially acceptable... no seriously! Made me kind of nervous. So, I finally took a deep breath, excepted the fact that error is an option, pulled out extra pieces of paper and began to write. Over all it was an amazing experience and I can't begin to explain how excited I am to receive a letter from my pen pal.

Don't you think this is a great idea? If you too are a lover of paper and handwritten notes, you should sign up for this exchange. Just go to this link and email Ashley your contact information.

xoxo,

m

happy new year!!!

image via weebirdy.com

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! After a long week of resting and getting things ready for moving (we are moving to a new apartment next week), I am ready to bring in the new year with positive vibes and colorful intentions. Chris and I had a hard time figuring out what to do and where to go in LA for nye. We are tired of the bar/club scene, and wanted to stay within our budget (hard for an expensive city such as los angeles). However, we stumbled upon a free event that is happening in Grand Park for the very first time and it will be focusing on local artist and local food. They are going for a "by LA for LA" type of event, and I am so there! Hoping on the metro (for the very first time!) and heading downtown to see some pretty lights and enjoy yummy food. And of course, cheering to the new year with  a glass of bubbly in hand. Not too fancy, but simple and meaningful. Plus its suppose to be in the lower 40's tonight (cold for socal) so I get to cozy up with my favorite guy while counting down to the new year. Sounds like a perfect night for me, don't ya think? What are your plans for tonight? Staying in or going all out and parting with your favorite people? 

Hope you have a wonderful nye celebration and I'll see you in 2014!

xoxo,

m 

p.s: wanna know what I had planned last year? read more here.

happy holidays (from my silly self)

Hey all!! I cannot believe the holidays are already here. This year our tiny family of two will be spending our first Christmas away from family (and pretty broke to be honest with you). At first I had a hard time dealing with this, however we are on a journey to build a life of our own and all the downs will be well worth it in the end. It has also helped me realize that the holidays don't necessarily need to be all about tons of shopping and freak outs over January's credit card bill ;) This year our Christmas will be about simple, loving, silly, and happy moments in life. 

Here are a few things I plan on doing this long weekend: 

1. hang out in my yoga pants with oversize sweaters and glasses

2. eat a lot of popcorn while watching tons of old movies on netflix

3. catch up on 'new girl'

4. (super) clean our apartment 

5. read at least 100 pages of my newly acquired book 

6. make cheese fondue and drink some pinot 

7. be kind, be silly, and give lots of hugs 

Anyways sweet friends, this will be my last post before Christmas. So I wish you all a happy, joyful, heart-filled holiday. I hope you get to spend time with the ones you love, even if it's just a big HELLO via skype. Hope you hug and get hugged a lot. Smile and get tons of unexpected smiles back. Because that is what truly matters after all.

xoxo,

m