more than just a book review.

July, 5th, 2015.

I have been reading this book. I don't want to admit that it is a pregnancy book, because those kind have bad reviews and scare the living hell out of you. So let's just call it Beth Ann Fennelly's book, Great with Child. I do not dare classify it as a the P word, for one reason and one reason only; it talks more about feelings and relationships than it actually does about the physical act of creating a child. Beth Ann is a poet in practice and in heart and every single word she writes is like a symphony of emotions - the good ones and the not so good ones as well.

Yesterday, while laying in bed recuperating from the long holiday weekend, I came upon this quote: " I think our inability to recall and relieve the memory of pain has to do with the fact that during hard labor, you go to a place beyond language." Yes, we all fear child labor, and dare I say it I am one of the scared ones. However, If I have learnt one thing about this whole process is that there are no words to fully describe it.

I've always hated the fact that other women wouldn't share what it was like to carry a child. Now that I have been the one that has been dealt that hand, I understand that I misplace the word couldn't with a wouldn't. I am now in that place of discomfort. I can't seem to tell my story; and here I thought that this was my best trait - storytelling! Give me numbers, and I can't add much; however give me a piece of paper, a pen and words, I will tell you all.

Sure, I can meticulously describe the physical symptoms like nausea, low blood pressure, fatigue. But  this is not exactly what it was before; it didn't feel the same before I was pregnant. Is it because just like child birth there is something greater that just the physical pain? Or maybe there is already an emotional attachment greater than I can possible be aware of? Perhaps it is all the above colliding into something so big that what your body is enduring no longer seems like a burden to carry. On the contrary, you start carrying it with pride!

At this point, all I can say. Today. IS that I have never trusted my body as much as I do now. Therefore, I am letting go. Allowing it to do what it does best. I have a tiny little feeling that Beth Ann was right and when all is said and done, I will be reborn and "recollect the pain as bellonging to the old life, the way the butterfly unfolding her wet wings recollects the cocoon."



Like I have said before, I no longer hold my words as a statement of truth. My emotions maybe. So forgive me if all this seems out of the ordinary. These are true feelings that one night I scribbled down  in my journal. I would love to hear from you - that is if you have experienced such things. If not, maybe just a hello?!

Hope you come back soon,

M  

oh, baby!

This might be the most surreal blog post I have ever written. Even though I have been practicing it in my mind for the past two months, I'm at a complete loss for words. It's finally time to share the BIG news: we're expecting!! 

After 4 and a half years of marriage and a whooping 8 years together, we are finally joining other couples in parenthood. I have to admit it wasn't planned. It wasn't supposed to happen this quick! But we are all adults here and know how babies come into the picture.... Ha Ha! Nevertheless, we couldn't be happier. I have been through a roller coaster of emotions these past two months. After crazy hormones, intense morning sickness and a midsection that appears more like beer bloat than baby, I have realized I really don't know a lot about anything anymore. Except for one little detail... I am having a baby with the love of my life! I can't help but feel so incredibly lucky. Not only do I get to spend the rest of my life with him, but now I get to carry his child. There is no one on this earth that I would rather go through this with, and he has been a trooper so far.  

These days, I have plenty of moments of doubt, followed by excitement and a ton of crying. Like A TON. However, I do know that I'm surrounded by the best support system a gal could ever ask for. The hope and joy our family and friends have given us makes me feel so blessed. I am sure there will be plenty of emotional freak outs the next 8 months, but I also know that I will always have someone there to hold my hand and help me navigate this new path.    

I can't wait to share our journey through pregnancy and parenthood in the big city, alongside challenges like small apartment living, full time careers and our inexperienced rolls as parents! For now we are making sure this little baby gets all the nutrition it needs despite my aversion for all things food related that isn't deep fried and that Lady the dog gets used to not being the only babe around. Wish us luck!

Hope you come back soon,

M

today i start journaling - part 1

Disclosure: These are all blurry thoughts written on a piece of paper throughout my day. Usually I write all sorts of random things, because it stimulates my writing at work. This day was when I decided I would give these random words a shot. It only seemed fitting that I would share them here on the blog. Hope I don't loose you along by blabbering way...



I woke up with a desire to write. Not type, text or Instagram. But that old familiar writing. As many call it: journaling.

Los Angeles woke up the same, though. As every morning it does. A chill in the hazy air, traffic building up on Ventura Boulevard, and dog owners taking their furry friends out for the first walk of the day. As my alarm played the all too familiar "Darling it ain't easy" wake up song, I turned around to face my world: Chris pressing snooze for the second time and Lady the dog climbing on top of his head as she does every morning. It's a ritual. Nothing out of the ordinary except for one thing. My gratitude for being able to be here. Awake. Experiencing another day. Today I didn't want to get out of bed. Not because sleep was keeping me from jump starting my day. On the contrary, everything I wanted in my day was was right here. At my fingertips. With sleepy faces, good mornings and the subconscious feeling of belonging. I could stay in that moment forever, but the kettle was calling, as was my early meeting.

As I gathered the courage to slip out of the warm covers, the carpet welcomed my disgruntled feet and gave me that extra strength to face the day. Funny how things are. I complain about the carpet we have in our apartment every single day, however come morning it never fails to comfort me as I take my first step into the outside world. Dealing with L.A traffic, server errors and deadlines can be overwhelming. I'll take any kind helping hand. Even if it is the old stinky carpet.

By seven forty five I opened the front door to my office and turned my laptop on for it's first breath of fresh air. Went through my email to find out I was no longer require to attend the morning meeting. Thank God for my stinky carpet, sleepy faces and dogs ignoring human boundaries. After that I went on with my day.

Eleven twenty is usually when the countdown begins. Forty minutes until lunch. Two hours for a well deserved coffee break, and four until home. However, today felt somewhat different. Even though office life continued as it normally does, my head was somewhere else. I'm sure I am not the first person to escape reality and immerse myself in another world. But today felt unconventional. Yet totally familiar, and this compelled me to write down my thoughts on a torn piece of paper. I was in tune with myself as I haven't been for quite some time. With that, the words started coming to me easily, helping me recreate what I had just experienced on the outside, translating the reaction on the inside. Being comfortable in your own skin is never an easy thing. You think that after years of living in the same body you would be more in touch with your inner self. But it doesn't really happen that way. At least not for me.

A pause for coffee break and small talk by the Keurig machine. It was two thirty after all. There is something magical about coffee encounters in my opinion. People always seem to be more polite during afternoon coffee breaks. I have this thing with coffee. I can never just drink a cup of coffee. It has to be accompanied by some other activity. Usually it's some kind of snack, but today it was written words. Usually it's food though. I'm not sure how it all started, even so if I had to pin point a reason I would go back to my childhood. Coffee drinking in Brazil is a very serious matter. It's not taken lightly and for the most part involves a gathering of some sort. And when people come together they generally eat, drink, and talk. Or all the above. In my family there is always a lot of talking. However, this time around,  I skipped the office chat and returned to my desk. Then eventually to the blank pages of my notebook. Sometimes you have to give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Maybe all the random words in my head, once written down, will actually make sense. No guarantees though.

Four pm comes faster than predicted. Every day its feels the same. It's like the clock ticks slower before three, and once it finally creeps up to three thirty five, it runs around like Louis Carroll's crazy white rabbit yelling: "Oh my ears and whiskers! I am late" gotta go, gotta go! I close my email and my laptop. Gather my notes, neatly organizing them for the following day. Say my "good night" and "see you tomorrow" and off I go. Gotta go, gotta go, to face L.A traffic at it's worst. But at least today, I'm at my best.

Hope you come back soon,

M

i would live here: hgtv smart home

Sometimes I daydream of having a different career.

Being in a completely offbeat environment and doing diverse things, brings a certain excitement to my daily life. Call me crazy, but I have never imagined myself doing one thing for more than a couple of years. Off course, adulthood hit me hard and I set out on a stable and steady career path. But if I had to choose, today, what I would be doing this year, it would be interior design.

Of course, reading is what I do most of my spare time, and is probably the job I would want to do forever and ever. Want to pay me to read and write/talk about my thoughts and feelings? I would be thrilled to. Yes, that is my dream job. However, not many people seem that interested in the novels I am so captivated by, so I think I'll stick to home decor. Navigating interior design sites is definitely number two on my list and like many gals out there, HGTV is my favorite channel to binge watch. When we still had cable (we went cable free a year ago), it was on all day. Even when I wasn't watching. I mean all day long. I had seen all House Hunters episodes maybe three times and would catch myself humming opening songs more than I would like to admit. It was comforting, and made me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. Kind of like how Gilmore Girls does. (any kids from the 90's here?!)

As any obsessed human being, I am on point with my HGTV contests. It just so happen to be Smart Home season and everyday I wait patiently for that email reminding me to enter the contest!! This particular house has me jumping up and down with excitement. First off it's in Austin, TX. Hands down, my favorite city ever. Second, it's a modern farmhouse. Needless to say this is my dream home. With that said, I wanted to share some of the amazing features in this house.

Let's start off with the kitchen...

Open floor plan, amazing hardwood floors and backsplash... leading us into the gorgeous dining room.

 Followed by the living room. This would be my reading area for sure.

The back deck is simple and cozy. Makes me want to fire up that grill! I mean, have the husband fire up the grill...

And to wrap things up, this amazing master bedroom. Maybe I would change a few details, like the artwork. But other than that, I'll take it as is.

Fingers crossed I get to call this home! I know it's very unlikely, but a girl can dream right?

Hope you come back soon,

m

p.s: all images from hgtv.com 

a big life and other tales from the west

I've redefined what I believe my big life could be.

It's hard to remember the exact order of events, now that I come to think about it. Can't say when it all started changing, or the reason why it did at all. However, it's done and it will be quite hard to look back. I think it started this year. Might I dare say, it has to do with me turning 30. 

Let me slow the narrative down a bit and put things into perspective. 

Like many other women, I've had the fantasy of the perfectly balanced life. Go to college, get a well earned degree, move to the city and get a fancy office job. Climb the corporate ladder and have a six figure salary. Sure, find love along the way, have beautiful babies, a gorgeous house, two dogs, a boat and take vacation somewhere exotic every year.  

Sounds like a fairy tale right? But that was what I believed would make me happy. Who I thought my husband wanted by his side, and what would make my parents the proudest. In the meantime, my big life started to hurt. To not make sense. Women are socialized to swallow pain with a smile. We are taught to put ourselves last and others first, to make dinner and then serve ourselves the worst cut. Not that my husband, parents or friends wished that for me, but for some inexplicable reason society got to me. It rubbed off even when I dared not touch it and whispered in my ears at night when I though I wasn't listening.  

The other day, I was talking to my co-workers about relationships. Family, friends and significant others. Then one said, "I am worried about my friend." and the reason was she was in a relationship with a guy that can't afford to support himself, and even though she loves him, he can't give her what she so dearly desires. A family, a house, a comfortable life. For some reason this bothered me. Not to say that my co-worker is in the wrong, or that her friend should feel guilty for loving someone with no monetary means. It's the misconception that men are supposed to take care of women and that career and money makes you a more desirable person, that rubs me the wrong way. 

A big life has love and compassion. It's based on human relationships that see past bank accounts and social status. Whether you're on top or on the bottom. It's way more important than spending uncountable hours in the office trying to get somewhere in your career. It took me a while to realize this. I've always thought what I did would define me. That I would look better in the eyes of others. That being smart and well educated would make me a more desirable fit. 

Why is it that we care so much about what others think? I get it, as humans we crave for acceptance, community. Even if that means swallowing your true thoughts, pain and frustration. But I have redefined what I believe my big life could be. Should be. No matter how much I achieve, how many stamps are on my passport and how much money is in my back account, it's not enough. It's not what fills me up nor what pushes me forward. 

Some people may be happy with all the above and may think I am a fool to think otherwise. I'm not here to say they are wrong. I'm not here to say what is right for everyone. What I do reckon is that in the end, for me, it will be all about the connection and very little to do with achieving. It will be about whether I looked up and touched the sky. Whether I felt the lush feeling of the summer sun on my skin. And if I was fully there to hold the hand of the person beside me.  

This is where I am. Where I choose to proceed. No looking back. Just a warm feeling of letting go. 

Hope you come back soon,

M

the power of reading

Living in Los Angeles can be challenging. Like most cities, it is hard to find your ideal neighborhood and even harder to afford living there when you do. It's hard to navigate at first and adapt to the ever changing trends.  Plus the average commute can sometimes be overbearing. However, with challenges comes opportunities, and that is the reason Chris and I moved here. As a matter of fact, the reason why we have always lived in big cities.

My commute to work isn't as bad as it could be, but no one likes sitting in traffic even if it is for only 30 minutes. After memorizing all songs that the radio had to offer, I came to the conclusion that I needed more. A lot more! That is when I got totally hooked on podcasts. Seriously, they are great!
I am currently listening to. Strangers and Reading Lives and today I wanted to talk about Reading Lives. Not because it's my favorite of the two. They are actually completely different and I enjoy them in different ways. But, because I came across this quote the other day, and it made me think about the podcast, and consequently my relationship with books.

Reading Lives is an interview podcast with interesting people about how books and stories has changed them personally and professionally. How it made their life choices different, and how it has molded them into who they are. After listening to a few interviews I started thinking of my own story, and saw myself asking the same questions. Have I always been as interested in reading as I am now? When was it that I figured that out? What made me like literature so much?

The first vivid memory I have of reading goes back to the age of 6. This was when my family moved to England for my dad's PHD and I was first exposed to the English language (I'm originally from Brazil if you haven't been following for long.) When I look back, curiosity was what drove my interest in books. The challenge of learning a new language with different set of structural rules composing clauses, phrases and storytelling! Ah, storytelling. That was what made me stay longer. After the curiosity died down and English was no longer a foreign language, I started noticing I was addicted to good storytelling.

After long years of reading, writing and immersing myself in books, I decided that the only thing that I was inclined to ever love was literature. So, off I went to college to pursue it as a degree. College went as it usually should for any young adult. There was euphoria at first, stressful "will never be able to memorize all these Greek goddess" moments, and then there was change. Literature no longer made sense to me. Not as a profession at least. But the books; they remained. And they will always remain. They helped me shape the person I am, how I see the world, and how I write. Thanks to all the authors I read throughout my life, I can make a living writing - even if it is online marketing. I create content, thanks to the stories that I read. I crave that perfectly worded paragraph, and the feeling of getting blown away by good, subtle writing.

Sure, sometimes I regret changing major in school and how I crave dissecting stories alongside cultural and historical facts. However, that will always be a part of me. It will always be present in the way I read and write. It made me a better reader and I will forever be grateful for all the books that I have held in my hands, and all the stories that remain in my heart.

Now, on to you! Do you love reading? What's your first memory of holding a book? How did it effect your life - if it ever did?

xoxo,

m

books i love: outlander series

There is a ton of talk surrounding the Outlander series ever since the start of the show on Starz network. After reading online reviews a few months back, I decided to give it a try and have not put it down ever since. For those who are new to the Outlander series, here is a little background on the book. 

Diana Gabaldon published the first novel in 1991 and there has been 7 subsequent books after that. The story is about love, war and politics. Most mostly about love. I would even dare to say it's one of the greatest love stories ever written. Yes. There is a lot of sex. However, I found it to also be deeply intimate and true, brutal, and real. Claire Randall and Jamie Fraser, while apart, are deeply attractive and sympathetic characters with a good deal of nobility about them. Throw them together in a love story? They are beautifully frail, selfish, angry, flawed. I love that statement. I really find them so incredibly touching and real. 

But the book encompasses more than just love and it doesn't follow any typical romance formula. It is a real genre bender that doesn't fit neatly into any one category. At it's heart Outlander is a historical novel with incredible details of the 18th century life in the Scottish Highlands. But it is also about medical treatment at the time and the reality of what people would have suffered without it. Even though the time travel aspect and a few references to witches and fairies, Outlander escapes from the usual fantasy and paranormal stories since it is just a detail in this complex world.   

Diana Gabaldon is a damn good writer who explores deep into her character's lives and the history surrounding them. She will bring out such raw emotions that you are guaranteed to laugh, cry and want to throw the book across the room. Outlander is a not a book for everyone, however if you are willing to set aside stereotypes and embrace historical differences, give it a try. It will change the way you think and feel about love, respect, commitment and sacrifice.  

new year. new strategy.

I used to be one of those who would write goals and lists and dreams and things back in my teens and early twenties, however I've been trying to keep things simple this time around. After years of list making, I started realizing that I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to accomplish these premature goals. It also kept me from accomplishing random things that came my way. If it wasn't on my list, it wasn't meant to be tackled. For the longest time I felt like writing them down was blinding me from what life would spring my way - randomly and wonderfully. The funny part is that the best accomplishments have been the not at all expected, thrown at my face, kind of things. 

 

With that said, I abdicated from my list making, goal setting routine. My new strategy - if you can even call it that - is simple. All I do is try to listen to my heart and my guts. I try to work hard, and be present in life. I laugh until it hurts and cry until it feels better - without feeling guilty of doing so. If something doesn't feel right, I move on. And if it does feel wonderful, I embrace it with all I have. I try to accept things that come my way with grace and gumption, and I do my best to love people with all my heart - even though sometimes I fail.

 

Life to me is an open book. It may have pages with crooked lines and blurry spots. Hard words to pronounce and new vocabulary. However, I am trying to take it in little by little and maybe then the once ugly, hard to write pages will end up being this wonderful chapter in my book of life!

 

Cheers to 2015 friends!

 

xoxo,

       m.        

  

 

 

thanksgiving getaway

Happy December guys! I still can't wrap my head around the fact that we are in the last month of the year. I am also very excited, because December is the Friday of months, right? It is finally acceptable to watch Christmas movies, sing carols and bake an absurd amount of sugar cookies. 

To wrap up the month, I wanted to share our Thanksgiving trip to Zion National Park, in Utah. Let me begin by saying that Utah is one of the most gorgeous states I have ever been to. Its one of a kind landscape gives you a feeling of calmness and makes you wonder why people love the hustle and bustle of concrete jungles. We started our holiday weekend in Vegas, on Tuesday night and after enjoying two nights in Sin City, we drove to Southern Utah. 

The following days were amazing! Beautiful landscape, fresh mountain air and a few hiking trails to burn off all the sugar cookies I was talking about :)  

On our last day before heading back home, we decided to take Lady on a walk down the Virgin River. It was just what we all needed to say goodbye to all this amazingness. 

It was definitely a different kind of Thanksgiving, nonetheless we were able to celebrate with our own little family. To be thankful for what we have crafted out of love and patience. To cherish nature around us and to let go of the things that deep down inside have little significance. The big things are usually the ordinary that already surrounds and embraces us. You just have to stop, sit still and breath it all in. After days like these it is always clear to me that what I actually need was always here... just waiting for me to notice it.   

Hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving weekend! Now let's put on some Christmas music, heat up the apple cider and do a little happy dance around the tree, shall we? 

xoxo,

m

 

happy thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a time to be spent around family eating hearty food and enjoying a cozy fire. However, since Chris and I moved out west our traditions have changed a tad bit. Life in a new city is scary and it has only brought us together as a little family. Without relatives to lean on, we have learned to cherish the time we have as husband and wife. We adopted a little pup that brought us more love that we could have ever imagined. We've been learning how to take advantage of our surroundings and to be thankful for the little things that life and love brings our way. 

In order to celebrate life, we are heading out to Zion National Park, with a pit stop in Vegas. There is nothing better than enjoying Sin City for the night and heading out to soak up nature the next day! I am sure that this holiday will be filled with hot spiced apple cider and a ton of gorgeous views. 

Hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving break and get to enjoy some down time with family and friends.

xoxo,

m

weekend in pictures (and a few words)

Hello and welcome back! This past weekend we set out on our last camping trip of the season. I made some yummy chili on Friday night so we could have some warm hearty meal to go along side with the campfire and a good bottle of Cabernet. It was simply delicious and you can get the recipe here. 

We knew it was going to be pretty cold being that that was the last weekend the campsites would be opened, but we never expected the extreme wind that woke us up in the wee hours of the morning the following day. Our tent almost didn't survive, however we managed to get everything in the car and drive back home safe! :) Even though, it was a crazy ride, we had such a blast soaking up the fresh mountain air and taking fun family pictures. 

I was very pleased with my crazy decision to chop off my hair earlier that morning - I was expecting a total meltdown, since it wasn't a thought out plan...

That was our weekend in a nutshell. Hope you are having a splendid week so far and are enjoying Christmas music (yes, that is so happening!) and the first signs of cold weather. 

xoxo,

m

modern farmhouse feelings

I have to confess something... I've been addicted to the Outlander book series as of lately and I feel as if my world has been on pause.You know when you feel out of the loop? When things around you start to shift and you only realize it after a few days? Yep, that's me lately. 

For some unexplainable reason I have been craving cozy blankets, warm fireplaces, and fuzzy socks all the time. When I'm done at the office, I roll into my apartment boil some water for a cuppa tea and spend the rest of my afternoon reading. I am blaming it on winter fever, but maybe it's something else... Not quite sure what though. I have always been a city dweller and country feeling has never been my thing, however the older I get the more out of touch I feel about city living. Small cramped apartments in a great location, are no longer my priority. And with every end of the work week, I crave the outdoors and fresh air away from traffic jams and city pollution.  

Now and then I catch myself day dreaming of a little farmhouse in the countryside. The kind of home that is oblivious to trends and that withstands the test of time. Smell of oak, cotton and firewood. Gives you comfort when you didn't even realize you needed it. And gives you room to grow and do life in it. 

A girl can dream right? Maybe one day, Chris and I will be able to let go of city living and give into the wood carved, white painted, fluffy blanket kind of lifestyle. 

xoxo,

m 

P.S: Have you had a change in feeling regarding your lifestyle? If so please do share! xx

books i love: the goldfinch

Every time I finish reading the last page of a good book, I look around, and realize that everyone is just carrying on with their lives and that what I just read didm;t really affect anyone around me. It's as though I didn't just experience the sequence of emotions and immediately I feel the trauma of letting go of the characters. Because I know that as soon as I take my hands of the paperback, they will cease to exist. 

It is pretty traumatizing. You may even say it is weird. But I go through it every single time, and it never seems to get any better. Anyways, I have recently just finished reading Donna Tartt's, The Goldfinch and may I say WOW! Never expected it to turn out to be an outstanding book. Never thought it would bring me to tears and give me goosebumps all through the last chapter. Needless to say, I am feeling nostalgic about letting go of Theo, Boris, and Hobie. So, to make matters easier, I decided to re-read my favorite part of the book and write it down for you to read :) 

"Whatever teaches us to talk to ourselves is important: whatever teaches us to sing ourselves out of despair. But the painting has also taught me that we can speak to each other across time. And I feel I have something very serious and urgent to say to you, my non-existing reader, and I feel I should say it as urgently as if I were standing in the room with you. That life - whatever it is - is short. That fate is cruel but maybe not random. That Nature (meaning Death) always wins but that doesn't mean we have to bow and grovel to it. That maybe even if we're not always so glad to be here, it's our task to immerse ourselves anyway: wade straight through it, right through the cesspool, while keeping eyes and hearts opened. And in the midst of our dying, as we rise from the organic and sink back ignominiously into the organic, it is a glory and privilege to love what Death doesn't touch." 

Have you read The Goldfinch yet? What was your take on it?

xoxo,

m

books i love: the book thief

For those who know me, are probably aware of my obsession with books. Like really obsessed. Call me crazy book lady, and I'll see it as a compliment! Say I'm weird because I can't let go of my paperback and go digital, simply because I wish to smell the paper with each turn of a page, and I'll love you forever. I even went to school for book publishing and my very first internship was at the fictional department of a publishing house, and even though it was boring as hell, the thought of having my own library to pick and choose from was marvelous. Plus, the idea of having to dodge piles and piles of books on the floor just to reach my little corner desk, made me feel all kinds of happy. 

There is just something magical about them. How every single page is perfectly bound together. How close you can feel to someone that doesn't even exist. It's pretty powerful, in my opinion. I am the kind of reader that gets so emotionally involved with the characters that the moment the book ends, I miss them dearly. Anyways.... I wanted to share with you the prologue of my all time favorite book, The Book Thief. Even though, it has become well known due to the amazing movie, Markus Zusak's writing never gets old. And this was definitely the best first few pages of any book I have ever read. 

Hope you enjoy the read!     

"First the colors. Then the humans. That's usually how I see things. Or at least, how I try.

Here is a small fact: You are going to die.

   I am in all truthfulness attempting to be cheerful about this whole topic, though most people find themselves hindered in believing me, no matter my protestations. Please, trust me. I most definitely can be cheerful. I can be amiable. Agreeable. Affable. And that's only the A's. Just don't ask me to be nice. Nice has nothing to do with me.

- Of course, and introduction.
A beginning.
Where are my manners?

   I could introduce myself properly, but it's really not necessary. You will know me well enough and soon enough, depending on a diverse range of variables. It suffices to say that at some point in time, i will be standing over you, as genially as possible. Your soul will be in my arms. A color will be perched on my shoulder. I will carry you gently away.
   At that moment, you will be lying there (I rarely find people standing up). You will be caked in your own body. There might be a discovery; a scream will dribbled down the air. The only sound I'll hear after that will be my own breathing, and the sound of the smell, of my footsteps.
   The question is, what color will everything be at the moment I come for you? What will the sky be saying?    Personally, I like the chocolate-colored sky. Dark dark chocolate. People say it suits me. I do, however, try to enjoy every color I see - the whole spectrum. A billion or so flavors, none of them quite the same, and a sky to slowly suck on. It takes the edge off the stress. It helps me relax.

    As I've been alluding to, my one saving grace is distraction. It keeps me sane. It helps me cope, considering the length of time I've been performing this job. The problem is, who could ever replace me? Who could step in while I take a break in your stock-standard resort-style vacation destination whether it be tropical or of the ski trip variety? The answer, of course, is nobody, which has prompted me to make a conscious, deliberate decision - to make distraction my vacation. Needles to say, I vacation in increments. In colors.
    Still, it's possible that you might be asking, why does he even need a vacation? What does he need distraction from?
    Which brings me to my next point.
    It's the leftover humans.
    The survivors.
    They are the ones I can't stand to look at. Although in many occasions, I still fail. I deliberately seek out the colors to keep my mind off them, but know and then, I witness the ones that are left behind, the crumbling among the jigsaw puzzle of realization, despair, and surprise. They have punctured hearts. They have beaten lungs."      

are you talking to me?

Image via

I have noticed that there has been a lot of talking going on about blogging and social media lately. A lot of bloggers have started to question the purpose of online conversation and the power of blogging. After reading a bunch of posts and articles about the reason why blogging started in the first place and what's future of it, some ideas hit home for me. After going back and forth on the issue I decided to put a little more thought to it.  

First of all, let me start this by saying that I am a true admirer of social media. It's what I do for a living and also what I do in my spare time. It consumes my life maybe more than it should, but it has always inspired me to work harder and to share what I have learned with people along the way. It has opened so many doors for me and has connected me to people that I wouldn't have met if I wasn't online. I also believe that if a brand can win it's way through the barriers of all the online platforms available, it will be able to create a great and meaningful conversation with it's consumers. And it doesn't necessary mean that you will be selling your product to your readers while doing so. This is where it can get quite tricky. To be honest with you there is a very fine line between engaging and dumping content. The key word here is: conversation. Simple and honest conversation, and in order to develop a healthy one you have to have two (or more) people involved. 

But what if the conversation gets boring? Are you entitled to leave? I'm afraid so. And that is how I have been feeling lately - I feel like leaving. Do you feel the same way? As many other bloggers am an avid blog reader and I live for my twitter, Instagram and (dare I say it) Facebook feed! However, for the past few months or so it has become a constant wave of repeated content and I feel like I am being shouted and lectured at. I get it. It is incredibly hard to write a blog while dodging the self-absorbed-me, me, me type of writing. And there is also the fact that a lot of bloggers have sponsors, product placement, etc. But there has to be some kind of balance, right? Otherwise the entire process of blogging will have changed. I try so hard not to sound like I am here trying to lecture you on how to live your life, how weekends should be done, or what you need to wear this season. I feel like I have failed sometimes, however even though it is a constant battle, many bloggers have been able to succeed and my faith in (good) social media is fighting to prevail. 

I read this interview on Monday with the Social Media Manager of Clementine Daily, Stella Blackmon, and she mentioned a little something special about her job that was really inspiring and gave me a little bit of hope: " (...) its is better to engage in meaningful conversation than to lecture and to be lectured to. Social media gives everyone a voice and gets individuals involved. This freedom to be a part of a national conversation, is not only powerful, it's empowering."  

Is pushing content empowering? I don't think so. Is demanding people's likes, follows, replies, a way of using the tools that you have in an inspiring way? Nope. Can bloggers and other online voices feel empowered by empowering others? I really hope so.  

I have no intentions of bad mouthing or criticize anyone out there. I am just opening my heart and trying to understand how we can still be creating good content and doing online marketing without letting go of the passion we all started with. How we can hold on to our humanity even though we are typing into machines and sending out codes to something so randomly vast and untouchable as the internet.   

xoxo,

m

friday thoughts

Designed by me and quote from la la lovely 

I can't even begin to explain how excited I am for the weekend friends! Chris, Lady and I will be packing our civic and driving 6,000 feet up the Angeles National Forest to camp next to a small lake. It is only an hour away from LA and you are actually able to swim in the lake... I know this may sound strange, but ever since I moved to Southern California, I have encountered several lakes where swimming is not allowed. Some due to it being a man made lake or reservoir, and others due to the current drought. Being that the average temperature here is 90 degrees and the beaches are way too crowded and impossible to find a place to park for less than 20 bucks I can say a secluded lake (there are only 8 campsites available!!) in the forest sounds like paradise to me! Plus who likes to sit in traffic on the freeway just to get to the beach? Not me!! I will always choose nature over traffic. Any day...especially in LA! 

This quote from la la lovely inspired me to pause my busy weekend schedule. No running errands, cleaning or doing laundry for me this weekend. Floatin' is all I wanna do. Chores can wait! Sunday we will be back renewed and restored. Ready to take on the daily challenges and inspired to live life on moment at a time. Pausing. Re-arranging. Whenever we want and need to. 

Here is to a beautiful summer weekend to all of you! 

xoxo,

m

p.s: yes, i will be listening to little big town's pontoon song while i float down the lake. 

what inspires me - clementine daily

All images via clementinedaily.com

If I had to pick one online publication that speaks to me and that inspires me on a daily basis it would have to be Clementine daily! I don't even remember how I ever came across such wonderful website, but all I can say is that I am glad I did. The gals at Clementine sure get me and they talk about everything I would love to talk her on my little blog and inspire me to do so. They incorporate all the lovely things in life - and I'm not just talking about pretty dresses and statement necklaces. Little things that are ever so important for us to truly live a full life with the people we love and with ourselves. Without further ado here is their ever so charming manifesto: 

"Clementine believes in the simplest of pleasures – the power of worn denim, her sister’s famous chocolate-chip cookie recipe and a fresh bouquet of hand-picked lilacs. She’s been known to burn the chicken when hosting dinner. Her library card is wrinkled and frayed. She paints outside the lines (and toenails). She never underestimates the power of mismatched throw pillows. She values wisdom over smarts and authenticity over perfection. Her thank you notes are handwritten (and OK, quite late). She’s an expert napper. She hates the phone, but loves the conversation. She always packs a spare, usually in the wrong handbag. She’s afraid of spiders, but not of hard work. She loves a good thunderstorm. She sings off-key (and oft). She’ll choose strawberry ice cream every time. She loves style,  not fashion. Her best ideas come to her in the shower. She pet-sits for neighbors. Mascara makes her sneeze. She believes that table crumbs are dinner’s confetti. She’s still on the hunt for her signature scent. She’s ever-growing, ever-changing, ever-learning. She’s a barista, a chauffeur, a chef, a teacher, a student, a therapist, a personal shopper, a cheerleader, an interior designer and a housekeeper. She’s better than good enough. She’s Clementine."

If I were you, I would run over to their site and sign up for their newsletter. Also, they sure do brighten my Instagram feed! 

And ohhh, this video... 

p.s: this blog post was not sponsored by clementine daily. these are my opinion only! 

xoxo,

m

friday thoughts - why float when you can swim

Arthur Ashe 

Hello sweet friends! How has life been treating you? 

Lately I've been having a reoccurring feeling of guilt. Guilt that even though life has given me a great job and good opportunities in a new city, I can't help but constantly remind myself of the downside to it all. The one thing that bothers me the most is this blog... I set my standards high - I have to publish 3 posts a week like I used to. However, life has changed and my job has become more demanding. Chris and I have a pup to take care of, and we are spending so much more time with each other. All these things did not happen back in DC, and I did have a ton of spare time to create content and write. Nonetheless, these are not awful things, on the contrary they are amazing! I am extremely happy that all this is happening and it's about time I said it out loud. I am perfectly aware that there are people out there with a lot more on their plate. Also, I know that I am probably not managing my time well, and that everyone gets the same 24 hours and it ultimately boils down to what you do with them and how you prioritize. 

With that said, I am starting to figure out what really matters to me, and what I can let go of. Part of the problem here is that with life being so fast paced, it's incredibly easy to get pushed around and allow yourself to float through your own life. Sometimes I see myself complaining it is Monday and that the weekend went by so incredibly fast and because of that, I give up on that week and do absolutely nothing but work until the week is over. And just like that 5 days of my life have gone by without any sliver of joy or fulfillment. I know what it is that makes me tick and I NEED to make room for them. Beyond our day-to-day task that are our primary responsibilities (like job, marriage, bills, etc) there are other things that we forget are as important to us as the latter. The stuff that makes us smile, giggle and fill our heart - whatever that may be for you - should not be labeled as "extras". We should not give up these things because they are the ones that keep us moving forward and makes life worth living! It may be cooking, reading, napping. Whatever makes you tick. For me right now, it's reading and letting myself become apart of the characters world, immersing in whatever they are feeling and taking it as if it were my own life. It's being lazy in bed on the weekends while Chris and the pup are fast asleep sharing the same pillow. It's turning Spotify up loud while the cheesiest country songs are playing and pretending I live somewhere down south and actually have dirt roads to drive on.       

I do not want to float through life. I will not float! For that I wish to seek a slower pace - or at least the slowest one can find living in LA. Stop asking myself too much and start where I am. Use what I have. Do what I can.

Have a great weekend! 

xoxo,

m

p.s: don't forget to share your thoughts in the comments. that too brings a smile to my face :)

new office space

Grow-bot planter / Los Angeles print

Monday is upon us once again, and if you are anything like me you welcome it hesitantly. However, this week I am looking forward to spending tons of time in my office, because I have new furniture and a new layout. And we all know what that means.... Decorating is in order!! I do spend 40 plus hours of my week in that teeny space, so I might as well buy plenty of plants, a pretty b&w stripped pillow for anyone that wants to pop in and chat and an LA print to hang, don't ya think?  

All walls will be painted white and my furniture is a light color wood - minus an amazing mint Fiberglass Shell armchair (like this one but with funky arms) and gray filling cabinets. Since I have no windows (hence no natural light) I want to keep things white, bright and green. 

Hopefully by the end of this week I will have everything in place and will be able to post an update! In the meantime, if you have any suggestion on what kind of plant can grow inside with no sunlight (probably none), please send it my way!!! 

xoxo,

m

love - friday thoughts

Image via Flickr

I bet that sometimes you get tired of hearing what I have to say. I know I do! Today, I am switching it up a little. I am sharing a love poem that I stumbled upon while researching and it has become one of my favorites. I can go on for two paragraphs explaining how I came across it, but I won't. I will let the lovely Ms. Elizabeth talk a little bit about this amazing thing called love... Have a great weekend! xoxo, m   

"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways..."

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints, --- I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life! --- and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death. 

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)